Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
