Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
