I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
