I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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