he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
