Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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