the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
