I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize