I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Congratulations! We have a period
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