my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
