Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
birth control should be required to get into college
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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