He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize