ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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