If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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