Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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