Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
