he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
