happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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