I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
