and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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