Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
