NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
