so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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