I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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