he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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