My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
