i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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