When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
vagina is talking i cant
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
