i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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