Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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