the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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