One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
