too bad you live with your parents still
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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