Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
