I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
