We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
