Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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