yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
