Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
