I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
