I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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