i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the day after is always just damage control
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
