you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
