People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
