You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
