i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
