Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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