So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Also, beer. Big fan.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
