sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
