Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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