Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
