I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
