i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
