I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
