sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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