ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
