is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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