I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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