I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize