So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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