So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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