I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
