pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
