woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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