it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
