I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
