just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude i'm inner monologue high
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
