I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
